FUCK the world

yes, Fuck the world, cause its makes me feel like a fucking pile of dirt...

I have 7 days left to input 12 items into the Panera passport for work, or i am FIRED! I've never been fired from anything in my life! I'm stright up FUCKED! FUCKED I SAY! i might as well quit now cause i'll NEVER have that done in time... i should just go look for a new fucking job now... save them the time and quit... and now Kitti is mad at me cause OUR friends were yelling at HER cause I wanted to see her and ONLY her tonight... so you know what, i'm not going to do anything with them tomorrow... i'm just going to be alone... so i don't piss anybody else off again... i don't fucking know anymore... i gotta go before i get upset again... Only kitti seems to be able to help me... she makes things make sence... she helps me in ways nobody else does... is that a problem? or is there just something wrong with me? i feel so pathetic when she yells at me, but i don't fucking know whatelse to do... so dont throw me to the lions when i'm unarmed... please... i'm stupid, i'm immature, i don't know... somebody help me learn without making me feel worse... please...

Not A Happy camper

Not tonight I'm not... I'm sick of feeling like the day went down well, only for the last hour or so to completely fall apart on me... I Hate making people afraid i'm going to hurt or lose them... Kitti and me had to go take some insurance papers by the library, and mentions a certain someone who i happened to have dated, though i regret the action now, still lives around here and goes to her Jewel to shop, and mention that to my old neighbor got her really mad at me... Why does she think that everybody is going to be out to get her in some way? Is she really that insecure about me..? I want to be married to her, but she makes me feel like i can't have any other female friends without her feeling paranoid that she doesn't fit in or going to lose me... Will being engage make her feel better? Will it make it work? I don't fucking know anymore, and i hate this feeling... I Hate making her go to sleep angry at me cause of my phone as well... It doesn't send texts when it should, makes me send blank ones, and basically fails on me when its my only way of talking to her... I feel like crying, cause no matter what i do i feel like she's pissed off at me... Why do i do? How do i make her feel better? I even have an idea of what wedding ring i'm going to get her as well... but the problem is money....
On the other side of the world, i also have 2 school classes in which i'm missing my books for, and even worse is that added to my school fucking work i need to remember my "Panera Passport" fucking entries so i'm not fired for completing it... I can't handle losing that job after finally getting the hang of things on the inside... its the second job i've ever had and i severly doubt jewel will take me back... where do i go? what do i do? I'm afraid that things are going to get really badly... i need more help than i want to ask for... somebody... anybody, please help me... even if i say no or i'm fine, insist on it... please...
Teddi...

the beginning

So its a new Semester at school, starting this Monday, and i am so unprepared that its not even funny. I need so much i don't even know where to start... 2 textbooks I'm missing, need new spirals, folders... Supplies even... This is going to be a tough year for me, cause i need to be at the TOP of my game... if I'm not then there is SO much shit that can happen to me that i would be better off... well, Dead... I'm not going to lie, it is going to be tough. I've fucked up way too much, and i need to buckle down NOW. And it might be 9 days late, but I've finally found my New Years Resolution... to be more open about my self to those around me... I don't want them to feel like I'm hiding something from them, and to feel able to express my true feelings and likes to EVERYBODY... So no more hiding... no more secrets... No more...
Teddi~